Jake and I have been married for almost a year now and most days we shake our heads and wonder why people kept (and continue to keep) telling us that marriage is hard. Almost the second we got engaged that was the warning friends and family would leave us with, which, when you think about it, is pretty depressing.
I appreciate the warnings and I fully believe that marriage will only get harder with kids and life changes and all sorts of things we’ve yet to encounter but, for the moment at least, life has been good…except when we hang shelves in our condo.
We’ve done a lot of small, DIY home improvement projects to our tiny little home in the year that we’ve had it and every single one of them has turned out perfectly. Except, recently we bought some shelves to hang over the bed.
Because our bedroom is so small and our bed so large, the most functional place to put the bed is in the corner, and Jake has been sleeping against the wall with no bedside table since he moved in after our wedding in January. And because he codes late into the night, he had no safe place to leave his laptop when he eventually wanted to sleep. So for months, I was sleeping next to a man who unconsciously tries to claim the whole bed for himself…and his laptop.
Fed up, we went to Target to invest in some shelving to resolve the situation. Now, in my brain, we’re not only getting shelves that Jake can safely store his laptop on at night, but that I can display photos and store some of the books that have been piling up on my side of the bed. We could center these shelves above the bed and have both a beautiful and efficient storage solution.
Now, Target is great but they don’t typically sell just one long shelf to center above the bed. But they do have very nice shorter shelves that are the perfect finish to match the rest of our bedroom set. So, in my brain, I’m thinking we get one shorter and one longer and center them above the bed. The shorter shelf can hold my books and the longer one can be Jake’s bedside shelf for his computer and whatever else he needs to store.
My sweet, loving, kind husband, however, had a very different idea to put up the shelves in an L shape in the corner over his side of the bed. Much to my dismay, he proceeded to hang the shelves as he saw in his brain without really talking through my idea first. This put me in a bad mood most of the day which obviously put him in a bad mood, too, and ruined what could have been a lovely day.
Marriage isn’t hard until it is. Until you realize that you’re this person who has their own brain living with another person who has an entirely different brain and the two brains don’t have some kind of Google technology telling them everything that’s happening with the other one. (That would be cool, though. Get on that, Google.)
I know marriage will get harder than putting up shelves because so much of life is harder than putting up shelves. But I also know that God used that experience to teach Jake and I about expectations, communication, and not being selfish and expecting to get our way.
So maybe marriage is harder than I think it is because the little things like putting up shelves are shaping our character, making us more like Christ in small doses, rather than sanctifying us in one fail swoop. Hard or easy, baby steps or one big leap, I’m grateful to be married to Jake.
Just got to remember that we’re not Chip and Joanna Gaines.